I Gave My Mum Colon Polyps


Yeah, that’s what I do to the women I like. Imagine what I’d do too those I don’t.

I found early in my career as a tumour inducer that all I had to do was concentrate very, very hard and I could manipulate human physical tissue. Ask my mum. She sent me too bed without any din-dins one night and she’s been paying for it ever since with malignant growths.

I gave Kylie Minogue tit cancer just by staring at the TV and crossing my eyes. So beware. I intend on staring at this monitor, pupils askew, until the entire population of Wales congeals into a massive, tumorous blob.

Then you’ll be sorry. Oh yes.