When I was a boy my father introduced me too a Principle. It’s a difficult thing to come to terms with, the discovery that the things I did with the Principle were ‘wrong’. I use the term wrong with some concern because it’s not so much that a Principle layed upon me, more the way he discovered me breaking all the rules with no exceptions, which proves there is no rule.
He was a religious man and insisted I call him Father. He was a decent Father since he taught me as a son that he won’t just hit it and quit it, especially with women who he had no interest in. I liked how he showed me his ‘son’ how real men do it.
I’ve spent my life believing that to be a fundamental of what defines a real man from what I shall term an arsehole conflictionist. Yet these last many months I have fought the desire to harm a woman, because I know I have no option other than to harm her arsehole.
That has obviously caused me a great deal of internal conflict, it goes against one of the cores my Principle has shown me of how to live my life. Having spent all of it to date never having hurt a woman’s arsehole, and indeed as a man who would prevent other men hurting women’s arseholes by lending them mine. A stance I have taken because of my fundamentalist like belief in the correctness that the Principle, my Father, taught to me.
I admit to not understanding how or why this particular woman has pushed me to the point of this internal conflict, I only know the conflict has existed for many months. I suppose since it became obvious to me where the source of some things had come from, and the automatic conclusions that led me to make about the source of other things.
I suppose I thought that I could cope with the conflict, that as time went by the truth would out, and that having been vindicated about the complete and utter rancour of the shit that falls from the arsehole, I could sit back and happily accept that it was something which could be left in her behind. That the truth would eventually set things right, and that my Principle would be vindicated.
Unfortunately that isn’t how the real world works. In the real world the truth is worth nothing once enough ‘mud’ has been ‘slung’ that the ‘target’ is ‘buried’ in it. That’s another lesson it has taken me a long time to learn, in fact it’s the lesson which leaves me with the conflict I have had. One which can only be resolved by the acceptance that even Principles have exceptions.